priorities II

this sunday is friday for me, and for better or for worse, i'm sitting at home with a couple beers re-reading the unbearable lightness of being by milan kundera. 25 pages in and its got me thinking.

i'm kind of relieved, personally, at the thought that our existence holds little weight because of its transitory nature. forgive me for getting too metaphysical, but the realization that this will all pass, that everything changes from moment to moment, and that we don't need to form attachments to what is physical (and therefore inherently transitory) is really pretty freeing. i guess it's also scary as hell.

but here are my thoughts: most people say i'm pretty easy-going and laid back, really what it comes down to is i don't fight the flow. and if i find myself fighting the flow, it's because i've formed attachments to what i do not trust to remain secure. in world that is incessantly changing, sadly enough, this is something that happens a lot and at this point i have made sacrifices, with tons of deliberation beforehand and with the knowledge i may carry emotional scars that will remain years later, so that i can maintain a way of life that allows me to feel the flow, stay connected to the source, be the sole independant thinker and actor in my life, and ultimately get the most of this shot i have.

this way our humble existence does make a difference (maybe it even makes a bit more sense): we live for today, but we also live in a way so that we can live for today for the next thousand years.

who knows really, i just wanted to talk about priorities.

priorities

not enough time for belly dance these days. i'm having to settle for pushing all the furniture in the living room to the side and blasting beats antique (or, admittedly, tool) while i shimmy around in my sports bra. certainly, it's not the same.

but plenty of dance opportunities ahead: house nights at the tempest, may day celebration at my place, and the food not bombs fundraiser on may 9th (that you should come to). and after that we have the summer festival season. these things help me not to feel so deprived.

in the meantime, i've fallen for a kitten at the pet food store that i work at on the weekends named squeaks. why is she named squeaks? because the little precious just follows me around everywhere and squeaks at me when i don't pick her up. i want to eat her. but only because that darling kittie has made me realize that despite all the bullshit that has gone down, i DO still have the capacity to love. good thing it's just a cat, and good thing i don't have the stomach to actually eat her. then where would i be? disillusioned again, and wondering why love must always leave.

i like being the title of a poem

as if this blog wasn't self-indulgent enough! my friend rose is visiting me before heading off to the omega institute to live in a tent and work in the bookstore there, and she dropped off this poem that she wrote about my adventures in costa rica. i was thrilled and, since i am lacking my own poetry to share, thought it would be appropriate to post.

Cathy and Aimee

From the empty quiet
Your ruckus laughter set you free

A treehouse and a labyrinth
Appeared in both your dreams

But it caught you off your guard when
They became reality.

You left the valley for a home
In the Costa Rican trees.

The cosmos were reflected in your eyes
And reflected in the carribean sea.

In bright night’s thunderstorms
Drum circles blessed the leaves.

You let the forest teach you how to breathe.


i love tacoma, but sometimes it's very loud and distracting.

beer making, guerrilla gardening, writing, belly dance, and lots of money making on the agenda for the next few weeks. i'm working on saving my pennies for big girl things. i'm a big girl, and i guess i need to start considering big girl things. at least furniture, since i know that tacoma is a place i want to be for a while. and more kitchenware for culinary and food preserving adventures.