poof!

it's hard to believe i'll be turning 25 in less than a week: a quarter of a century spent, in this lifetime anyways. i'm waiting for my saturn return to really start freaking out. there's a lot i could potentially judge and analyze, but for now i'll try to just notice.

really i think most of these days are spent reconciling the past with the present. living in the moment, remembering to breathe, letting go of the need to light up a cigarette as well as indulge in my other worst doubts and fears, and working with what i know in my gut and heart. it's a process, but life would certainly not be as interesting if one day i would have everything i need to learn just come to me like "POOF!"

i've finally come to the point where i'm getting enough hours at both of my jobs to do some saving and that is rewarding even though the weeks are long and tiring. at some point soon i hope i can manage a few days off in a row, laying in bed sounds nice, so does some drawing and some adventures on robert's motorcycle.

smart investments

it rained so hard yesterday that my manager at next to nature had to roll up her jeans and run out to unclog the grimy drain by our store on tacoma avenue so the water wouldn't come in. oh the joys and responsibilities of being in charge, i just hope she doesn't get some disease from stamping around in that filthy drain water.

so for once i thought to myself, good thing i just do the grunt work around both of my jobs. because for the most part, the grunt work isn't that disgusting and sometimes it pays off to not have so much responsibility. for instance, i can maintain a light-heartedness that other people can't when they have so much invested in their work (and i can therefore be the little blessing in their lives). but this isn't an argument for my current state, on the contrary, i'd like to feel a bit more like my effort and time was invaluable. while still being a blessing, of course!

so i'm thinking about the farmers market opening and how the month of may makes tacoma come alive as we get the first holy glimpses of the summer to come. we all get out our flip flops and summer clothes and suddenly there's a lot more to look at. and the men don't stop hollering.

love is making quite a commotion in people's lives, and mine is no exception. he comes around about every other day and i usually make him dinner because he's managed to get even skinnier in the year of my absence. other than that the terms are undefined and a bit frightening. i do know that there is a lot more care and that the love never left, but i know that that can't be all that sustains us. i want to say that we're being more cautious this time, and that we'll get it right this time, but i'm also too much of a romantic to make that call without bias. so i'm doing my best to be light-hearted, like in my employment situation, although the same feeling rings true here: i wish i felt the i possessed the invitation and the capability to invest more.