lightness

it's been a few months and it's surprising to think that, really, a lot has happened since my last post. mostly i say that because my weeks all kind of blend together. i can never experience "a case of the mondays" because i never get a day off... so really it's just awful burnout. 

i'm working hard on not settling. i want to continue to accept things for what they are, but also with the understanding that it's up to me to be the instigator of great and awesome change in my life. i'm thinking about next year and how, even if i end up somewhere other than tacoma, i want to make certain demands for my time and efforts. i also know that i'm not going to accept a schedule that forces me to give up my wanderings and friends.

for the first time in the entire duration of our relationship, i'm allowing myself to really accept chris for who he is. in doing this, i'm coming to terms with the fact that i want a love in my life that is different from what he is able to provide. duh, this is something i've been attempting for a while now and it's hurtful but surprisingly bearable because of the simplicity in this revelation: i don't want to settle, and i don't want to wait for someone to change when they may never do so. life is too short, and if this moment is all that we really ever have then i don't want to spend another one simply waiting and hoping and feeling crappy that the person that i love more than anything just can't love me back.

other than that i'm fostering kittens, using lots of culinary lavendar, and dealing with tons of broken and misplaced possessions. we might be getting nigerian dwarf goats but what i really want is a dog to be my partner in crime while no one else seems really up for the task. love and blessings all, til next time.